In the 1940s, a man named Dr. Benjamin Spock came to the forefront of parenting with his book, ‘The Commonsense Book of Baby and Child Care‘. His parenting methods were different than what had previously been practiced and widely received. He, however, went to an extreme in parenting to the detriment of our society. He taught a child-centered approach that made the children the center of the family. This may sound wonderful, but it isn’t. As other child psychologists jumped in to put in their 2-cents (or got THEIR millions), child-raising began to lack teaching self-discipline, self-control and a realistic view of self. Instead parenting became more and more challenging as children learned that they were in control, they would always get their way and their were no consequences for unacceptable behavior, if that was something that was ever defined. The new parenting guide stressed building self-esteem by ignoring bad behavior and rewarding good behavior. Parents gave away their authority and created a generations of people who feel entitled, are self-focused, and do not believe in consequences.
Our justice system plays into it by giving criminals the opportunity to not pay consequences for their crimes. Corporations and non-profits know that by giving a reward, they will draw more people to their product or cause. We get prizes for donating! We even have to set aside just one day a year specifically for service.
So back to the title. What does love have to do with this and how does it play in to my usual subject? During the new wave of parenting, children were taught that they were the center of the universe and only what they wanted mattered. Love gained a new definition. It became an inward force. Even Noah Webster, my usual go-to for a definition of a word, falls short. Love is defined as, ‘strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (maternal love for a child) (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests (love for his old schoolmates). This is a poor definition of what love really is and what we are desperately missing in our culture today. Love is often defined in terms of emotions, feelings and attraction. If something gives us goosebumps, butterflies, a feeling of excitement or attraction, we call it love. As a result, people assume they ‘fall out of love’ because they don’t have those feelings anymore. We can’t fathom loving someone who doesn’t do something or give something to us or someone we are not attracted to. How many times have you heard a person express surprise at a physically unattractive person finding love? We have mistaken lust for love and dismissed the true state of love altogether. We are grossly misdirected as to what real love is. Sex is usually the measure of love between two people and our youth often seek out sex as a way to find love. This has lead to many problems in our society. Sadly, it’s not a new problem.
Let’s go to the author of love himself as find out what He says about it.
1. Love is not primarily an emotion or an attraction. Love is an action.
*Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13
*But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Rom 5:8
*But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved. Eph 2:4-5
*This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?
*Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:16-18
This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 1 John 4:9-11
So, love is sacrificial and active.
2. Love is not about me.
*If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbor as yourself," you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. James 2:8-9
*'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. Leviticus 19:18
*The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:31
*The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Rom 13:9
*The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."
Gal 5:14
*You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you: Love your enemies…’ Matt 5:44
*For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Rom 12:3
Love your neighbor. AND your enemies. That pretty much covers everyone. Love is not about me. If all of us were thinking this way, everyone would be loved and taken care of.
3. Love does not have conditions (ideally) God shows us the way…
*"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.” Jer 31:3
*“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ…” Eph 3:17-18
*Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. Lam 3:22
*For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom 8:38-39
*But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Rom 5:8
*For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
We did not have to do anything for God to love us. He loved us before we were a thought and simply because we are His.
In our society today, we have forgotten how to truly love. We love ourselves, many times to an extreme thanks to focus on building self-esteem, putting ourselves first and factoring in how decisions would effect us instead of helping someone without any promise of reward. People look to sex to fulfill them, to give them the love they seek. We are ‘love’ hoarders. When a person seeking love through sex or acceptance find themselves in a place where true, sacrificial love is required of them they only look back to themselves and how giving in this way would deplete them of the love they seek. The only true source of love is God. No human can love perfectly on their own. Only with God’s help can we truly love. Abortion or any other human rights violations, basic human needs and any other human issues will never end if we continue to seek for ourselves instead of giving of what we have.
As I read comments from people who advocate abortion, I am heart broken at the lack of love our society has for others. It sounds like they are full of love for women and their health but to hear them refer to a human being as a punishment, a parasite, a ‘tenant in need of eviction even if it means death’ is sickening. But it goes back to what I mentioned at the beginning. We are self-centered, don’t believe in consequences and we base love on how attractive and beneficial someone is to us. Take a child who would change your life, is a result of an action you don’t want to stop, and you can’t see and yes, they become unlovable and defined as unwanted. Changing peoples’ minds about abortion on the surface is a start, but changing how people love is the only way to end abortion outright and only God can do that.
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