Just How Liberated Are We, Really?

I recently read the story of two great women in our country’s history - Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony. They fought for rights for women in a time where women had very few. At that period in our history, when a woman married, she lost all rights to property, inheritance and children. What she possessed became the property of her husband, including the woman herself. If a woman left an abusive husband and took her children, she could be imprisoned on charges of theft. These two women fought for women to have the right to have a say in their elected officials and to bring them equal standing in the minds of men. Since that time, women have gained the right to vote, the right to their own property and the right not to be property. The dress of women changed as they were further liberated as did their participation in the work world. The advent of birth control brought women the freedom to control the number of children they have and combined with the movements of the 1960s, they gained freedom to express themselves sexually.
I believe, however, that the sexual freedom has brought full-swing back to where we were before the two women mentioned above came to the forefront. Some would disagree that sexual freedom and the freedom to ‘control our destinies’ is a bad thing, but lets looks at it closely.

Now that I am a wife and the mom of a boy, I am more aware of how much sex plays into so much of our society. Just walk through the mall and you’ll see Victoria’s Secret with women dressed in sexy underwear, mannequins in clothing stores in provocative poses, and topless men and women in black and white advertisements. On TV, we are shown that if a man cracks open a beer, scantilly clad women will show up, we see Victoria’s Secret models bouncing their way across a windy room, viagra commercials and KY commercials and girls dressed less than modestly in kids shows and cartoons. Movies tell us that sex on the first date is part of a long lasting romantic relationship and sometimes okay just between friends. I see young teens all the time dressed in short shorts and skirts and tiny low-cut tops. They are dressed in ways that seem like they don’t want guys to forget that they have certain parts (guys are very aware whether they can see it or not…) Women are told by companies that they need make-up, hair color, anti-aging creams and teeth whitening to be desirable. Beauty and youth the most desired commodities a woman can possess (if you believe the media).

So, why do I believe that this has taken us back in time? Girls are taught at a young age that the outward appearance is what will get them far in life. We’d like to think as a society that we are enlightened and that we encourage our girls to be and do whatever they want, but the media tells them otherwise. At the heart of most every girl (I realize not every girl thinks this way) is the desire to find the man of her dreams and have children. Our society tells girls that she needs to be beautiful and young to find a man. They are taught to believe that sex sells. Girls dress a certain way to compete with each other for the men they encounter. If you dress sexy, more sexy than another girl, you attract a man and if you have sex with him, that will either secure the guy or help you know if he’s the right one. In that quest, young women fail time after time to secure or find the ‘right’ guy and try over and over again. Parents and doctors give these girls birth control pills to keep them from getting pregnant while on this quest, but forget to tell them they actually don’t HAVE to have sex. Through this experience, these young women become like a balloon in a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, held down by many and prevented from being free. It is a slavery that our daughters are subject to. A slavery to believing acceptance is based on outward appearance and that sex will get them the love they want and need. These girls find themselves bound by sexually transmitted diseases, raped, pregnant and at risk for jumping into a bad relationship for all the wrong reasons. They also find themselves struggling with anorexia and bulimia due to that focus on outward appearance. 7 million women suffer from these disorders, 95% of those women are between 12 and 25. The number of AIDS cases among young women has increased to outnumber cases among young men and about 1 in 8 teens contracts an STD every year (one every 13 seconds). A quarter of sexually active teens have contracted an STD. One out of every ten new mothers is a teen and 44% of rapes in this country are among teens with 80-92% of them knowing their attacker. And then there is the emotional anguish young women endure when they find themselves pregnant and are convinced that an abortion is their best choice. Do we sound liberated?

I lived in the Dominican Republic for a short period of time in my 20s. I quickly learned that the way I was dressing attracted a lot of attention. I wasn’t dressing immodestly in my mind, but I was in shorts and I have long legs. It’s a hot country! In the DR, legs are a man’s focus sexually. I didn’t know a lot of Spanish at first, but I would hear the men comment as I walked by. As I began to learn the language, I was disgusted at what was being said to me and quickly ditched the shorts for long pants, sacrificing my physical comfort for a little less of the lude comments. One man told me he wanted me to come back to his house and go to bed with him. Men may not be saying that to our young women, but they are thinking it and some guys find themselves ‘lucky’ enough to actually have that unspoken request answered in the affirmative. No guy jumping into bed with a girl he barely knows is thinking that he wants to sleep with a girl to make her happy and fulfill all her dreams or even to show her love. He’s looking out for his own gratification. The young woman could be thinking the same of herself, but more often than not, she becomes a slave to his (and her own) desires.

I don’t say this to bash men, as the mother of a boy I realize the task ahead of me to teach my son to be respectful and to cherish the women in his life. But this is the reality of our world and we need to protect and cherish our daughters. To truly help your daughter live a liberated life, try teaching her to be confident in herself and who she was created to be. Help her to find her purpose in her life. Watch her, talk to her, determine her strengths and weaknesses and guide her in the direction of the correct path for her life. Help her to keep her focus on that. Teach her modesty. Modesty may not attract every guy on the block, but it will help to attract the right guy in the right time. Teach your daughter the power of saying, ’No.’ Don’t let the media, their friends or their school lie to your daughters about who they are, who they should be or about sex. Be brave, give them the facts. Tell her she doesn’t have to have sex before marriage and believe it yourself. She’s not missing out. The truth always sets you free.

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised

Proverbs 31:10-30