Have you ever seen the movie ‘Juno’? It is one of my favorites and one that holds new meaning for me as a parent. ‘Juno’ tells the story of a teenager who gets pregnant after ‘experimenting’ with a friend and seeks to find a family to adopt her baby. It shows the thoughts and dreams of a birth mom in a poignant manner.
On February 1 of this year, my daughter was born. It was a wholly different experience than the birth of my son. This time, I was a bystander, taking pictures of her birth, standing by her as she was lying on the warming table and the first to hold her and give her a bottle. My daughter is adopted. She was unplanned by all parties involved, but an amazing blessing to all of us.
As I shared with people that we were adopting, I was surprised that every person, stranger and friend alike, asked about the birth mom. The assumption was always made that she was some young, irresponsible teenager, but that was not so. This is the ‘stereotypical’ birth mom, but not necessarily always the case. Birth moms come in all shapes, sizes and demographics. Mine was already a mom. She was a teen when she had her first child, but my daughter, her fourth, was not a ‘teen pregnancy’. She was unplanned and the result of a lapse in insurance that caused her to be unable to have the tubal ligation after her last pregnancy she desired so she would not get pregnant again. From the moment she found out she was pregnant, she knew this baby was not hers. She hid the pregnancy for four months and then started seeking the right family. We were not planning on adopting but had just been told that we were unable to have any more children after 4 years of trying to conceive. We were told about this baby when the birth mom was 6 months along and finally met her a month later. I was expecting a woman hellbent and ‘getting rid’ of this baby and spouting the typical ‘unwanted’ jargon, but what I found was a mom who wanted the best for her baby. She had hopes and dreams for her and knowing she was unable to financially provide for those dreams, hoped to find a family who could. She saw her herself as a surrogate for our family and wanted me as involved as possible. So, I went to an ultrasound and was in the delivery room when my daughter was born. Symbolically, I was able to cut the umbilical cord. My daughter’s birth mom roomed next to me at the hospital and came and visited us, even holding our baby for a short time. Though she didn’t express it to me, I was told that she was emotional when sharing her story to the nurses. She struggled with her decision once she was home and back with her own kids. She even wanted to see her again and keep up with her life, making sure she was well cared for and happy.
This experienced has changed my perspective on birth moms in general - those who seek adoption and this who seek abortion. How do we approach those who seek abortion? Do we tell them horror stories or condemn them? Do these women have hopes and dreams for their babies? I know how hard it is to go through a pregnancy full of shame and trepidation after watching my birth mom’s experience. I saw how hard it was for her to go through labor for a child she would not take home, but I admire her immensely for her bravery and her sacrifice to bring my daughter into the world. That kind of strength and fortitude is an act of love for another human being. She had nothing to gain, yet gave it all to give this little one a life.
Juno is a great example of what it is like to be a birth mom. Even though she knew she wasn’t keeping the baby from the start, it is still heartbreaking to give that baby up. We should tread lightly with these beautiful women and help them to see the potential for their children and the bravery and strength they possess in giving another human being life because there can never be a purer act of love.
